UN Ground Offensive Delayed!

Reported April 17, 1997
Appleton, Wisconsin USA

I am a freeman / patriot from the Northwoods of Wisconsin. Several weeks ago we had another snowstorm (no G L O B A L warming here) and I had cabin fever bigtime don't you know. To relieve the boredom I was cleaning and oiling my firearms and listening to my favorite shortwave radio programs. The shortwave guys were saying that everyone should stock up on beans and rice, firearms and ammunition because the ground war was going to go down by Friday of that week for sure. That was Monday evening of the week so right away the next day I decided to risk blowing my cover and headed down to the big city; Appleton, WI for supplies. I didn't realize what I'd be getting myself into.

My favorite gunshop is right by a the world's largest grocery store and the John Birch Society Headquarters. I should have been suspicious of possible U.N. activity (intelligence and counter intelligence) due to the fact that 3 such vital sources of patriot supplies and information are in one area. I stopped by the gun shop and purchased several firearms and plenty of ammunition. Since I had to wait 48 hours to pick up my new guns, a plot to prevent patriots from stocking up for the U.N. invasion no doubt, I was glad it was Tuesday because I could pick my new guns up Thursday just in time for the ground war.

After finishing my errands I was ready to get out of the city so I headed west on College Avenue. To my horror I saw a tank parked in a local city park. The clever U.N. bastards disguised it as a World War II era tank for kids to play on but I knew it was on the way to crush the John Birch Society Headquarters, gun shop, and reserve food supply. I wanted to escape to warn others but the road was jammed with high fashion people on the way to the mall (that should tell you something right there). I escaped the heavy traffic by crushing a few European cars with my monster 4x4 truck. Once I got back home I immediately sent out notification of the tank to all fellow patriots. Bringing attention to the evil U.N. plot must have scared the U.N enough to cancel their ground war because Friday of the week came and no ground war!!! I had saved the nation!!! When things cooled down I double checked the tank and it is now disabled, the clever fools even poured concrete in the tank's gun barrel to disguise their actions.

Troy

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