Mysterious Black Helicopter Spotted at "One Day Sale"!

Reported July 7, 1998
Waterloo, Iowa USA

I knew it was going to be a long day the way things had went the night before. A couple of old friends and I had spent a late night at some of the finer bars in the area reminiscing about old times.

I managed to sketch an image of what I saw with some charcoals that I found in the back room.

With that in mind, I pulled into the parking lot for work at 7:15 the next morning, knowing all too well that two and a half hours of sleep wasn't very good backup for the day ahead of me. But as I looked towards the "hardware" store across the street, I knew that hibernation wouldn't have saved me from what I saw.

A large, mysterious black helicopter was coming in from just over the interstate. It came to rest just seconds later on the edge of the parking lot, all guns pointed towards the front display window. I headed into door trying to look calm, cool. But what could I do with that thing staring right back at me? Three "shadows" were all I could process with my heart racing the way it was. I quickly slid through the door and locked it behind me. I noticed I was the last one into work that morning, but that was nothing new.

This is the store. On the left is the store manager, Marcus "Human Bowling Ball" Jones (come into the store for a live demo). On the right is Steve Block - he plays the "Flying Mattress Man" in our TV ads (see picture below).

I immediately brought up the arrival of this black helicopter to everyone, but the only response I could get was same mumbo-jumbo about a food drive by the local Air National Guard. I found it a little curious why the National Guard would need such a menacing and powerful weapon. As I sat down to review the "private mailer" we sent out to residents within a forty mile radius, it all came together. What better way to set up a U.N. recruitment camp than a private mailer! Allowing people to receive free trinket-like gifts and at the same time, being able to register for the "grand prize" by simply filling out the form printed in the mailer. This, along with the catatonic state of my co-workers assured me that I was the only one they hadn't got to.

Almost too eerily though, the passengers of that plane never set foot out of the helicopter. As they watched the store without any signs of surveillance equipment, I knew the place had to be decked out in every kind of bug and camera NOT known to mankind.

Steve Block plays the "Flying Mattress Man" in our TV ads.

It's now been over a fifteen months since the store changed locations, and ironically, the building is still "vacant"… (names & corporations have been omitted for safety's sake)

Steve M.
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